Short answer

If your spouse died without a will (intestate) in Washington, you can ask the Superior Court in the county where your spouse lived to appoint you as the personal representative (sometimes called administrator) of the estate. You do not need the cooperation or signatures of the decedent’s family to start the process. The court decides who to appoint based on Washington probate law and priorities. Follow the court’s probate filing process, provide required notices, and be prepared to respond if family members object.

Detailed answer — step by step (Washington)

1. Understand the legal framework

Probate and appointment of personal representatives in Washington are governed by Title 11 of the Revised Code of Washington (RCW), which sets out who may be appointed, priorities among potential appointees, and the duties and powers of a personal representative. Read the statutes and local court rules for the county where your spouse lived: RCW Title 11 (Probate). For practical forms and court procedures, see the Washington Courts forms and probate information: Washington Courts: Forms & Information.

2. Who has priority to be appointed?

Washington law gives priority to the surviving spouse to be appointed as the personal representative, unless the spouse is disqualified or unavailable. If other persons (children, other heirs) seek appointment, the court weighs statutory priority and the fitness of each candidate. You can ask the court to appoint you even if the decedent’s family objects; the court will decide after a hearing if necessary.

3. Gather documents and information you’ll need

• Death certificate (official certified copy).
• Your marriage certificate or other proof of surviving-spouse status.
• List of the decedent’s assets (bank accounts, real property, vehicles, life insurance, retirement accounts, digital accounts).
• Known debts and creditor information.
• Names, addresses, and relationships of likely heirs or interested persons.
• Copies of any documents (even if there is no valid will) that might affect administration.

4. File a Petition for Administration in Superior Court

File a Petition for Letters Testamentary/Administration (or the county’s equivalent). File it in the Superior Court in the county where the decedent was domiciled. The petition asks the court to appoint you as personal representative and will list heirs and property. The clerk will give you information about filing fees, required forms, and whether you need a bond.

5. Notice and publication

After you file, Washington law requires notice to interested persons and publication to creditors in many cases. The court clerk or your local rules will tell you the specific notice steps. These notices give heirs an opportunity to object.

6. If the family won’t cooperate or objects

Non-cooperation by family members (refusing to sign consents or refusing to provide information) does not prevent you from petitioning. If family members formally object, the court schedules a hearing. At the hearing, the judge decides who should serve based on statutory priority, qualifications, potential conflicts, and the best interest of the estate’s administration. Be prepared to present evidence that you are the appropriate person (marital status, ability to manage estate duties, lack of disqualifying factors).

7. Temporary or emergency appointment

If estate assets are at risk (property needs immediate protection, bank accounts need access to pay bills), ask the court for a temporary or limited appointment while the full administration proceeds. Courts can issue temporary orders to protect assets pending a final decision.

8. Bond, duties, and supervision

The court may require a bond to protect the estate against mismanagement. In some cases (for example, when the surviving spouse is the sole heir), the court can waive the bond. Once appointed, the personal representative has fiduciary duties: inventory and safeguard assets, pay valid debts and taxes, and distribute assets to heirs according to law. The court can require periodic accountings.

9. Small estate and simplified procedures

If the estate is small, Washington has simplified procedures to collect assets without full probate. Check the Washington Courts website and RCW for small-estate procedures (these have dollar thresholds and specific rules).

10. When to get a lawyer

If the estate is contested, complex (real estate, business interests, high value, potential legal claims), or family conflict is intense, consider hiring a probate attorney. An attorney can prepare pleadings, represent you at hearings, request temporary appointments, and advise on bond and creditor matters.

Key legal resources

• Washington Laws — Title 11 (Probate): https://app.leg.wa.gov/rcw/title11/
• Washington Courts — probate forms and guides: https://www.courts.wa.gov/forms/

Important: This is a general overview. Specific RCW sections will control details such as priorities, bond amounts, and the small-estate dollar limits. Look at the statutes and local superior court rules for precise requirements in your county.

Helpful Hints

• Contact the Superior Court clerk in the county where your spouse lived early. Clerks can tell you local filing requirements, fees, and the usual forms.
• Do not move or transfer estate property before you are legally appointed. Improper transfers can cause liability and disputes.
• Collect and preserve documents: bank statements, titles, deeds, bills, policy statements. Create an asset list with estimated values.
• If you believe estate assets are in danger (e.g., property at risk of foreclosure), ask for an emergency or temporary appointment immediately.
• Keep detailed records of all estate activity, receipts, and communications. Good records help at hearings and when accounting to the court.
• If family members object, stay calm and respond through the court process. Verbal pressure or informal attempts to block administration do not override the court’s authority.
• Explore small‑estate procedures if assets are limited—these can save time and cost.
• Consider mediation if family disputes threaten to derail administration. Courts sometimes encourage or order mediation to resolve conflicts without protracted litigation.
• Ask the clerk about bond; you may be able to request a bond waiver if you qualify under statute or local rules.
• If you cannot afford an attorney, check local legal aid programs, law school clinics, or the county bar association for low-cost referrals.